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Archive for May, 2012

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What Do They Mean I Can't Teach My Punmaking Workshop? 

I can't believe it. Figments Art Gallery, Wilmington's premiere studio and my dream gallery, has rejected me once again. First they turned down my hand-sculpted living room furniture made entirely of plasticized fish entrails, and now they're rejecting my workshop proposal? I'm starting to feel like these guys live in their own little elite ivory tower of Art with a capital "A".

Punmaking is an art dag nabbit, and I'm going to prove it to them. You can't simply dismiss an entire subculture of artists who make their livings creating, disseminating, and promoting the finest puns in the world. There are literally dozens of us! I...


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I'm so thankful I found you guys. 

Seriously Advanced Timber, it's awesome to see you guys at work. Look at that! Legitimate blueprints, support beams, quality wood and materials...real architectural planning?! This is so...advanced! I guess you can tell more from a business name than I'd like to admit.

See, last month I hired a company called "Not So Advanced Timber" to help me build my home. Their prices were competitive, their sales force was confident, and they quoted that it would take about a week to build my whole house. I couldn't believe it! It sounded like a great offer, so I signed them on and told them to get to work.

I first noticed something was strange when, the next morning, they showed up carrying lumber...on their...


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Ghostroad Death and Ghoulio Supply 

Velcome, velcome to Ghostroad Death and Ghoulio Supply! Please, let me give you a qvick tour our of Showroom of Doom! Vlah!

Vhat? Oh căcat, another von of you? Everyvon is alvays looking for that stupid "Coastroad" place. Vlah, it's not fair. Vhy do I have to live my (after)life vith an empty store vhile people are practically begging for Coastroad's services and products? It's enough to get my cape in a ruffle! Vlah.

Is it the service? It is the vonderful selection they provide? Vell? Tell me! You sun-valkers seem to think that, just because I live on the liminal cusp of the living and the damned, I'm incapable of providing good savings. I von't and can't say anything specific, but they call...


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Bet you can't say "Moog Doodle" 15 times fast. 

Robert Moog, inventor of the Moog synthesizer, grandfather of electronic instruments, and North Carolina dweller for much of his life, would have been 78 years old today had he not died of brain cancer in 2005. To celebrate this iconic man's life and influence on the world of music, Google's daily doodle is a fully-functional Javascript "analog" "Moog" synthesizer, complete with envelopes, filters, LFOs (low frequency oscillators), and much more. It also features a four-track recorder, with which you can create your own miniature synth jams and then share them with your friends.

Throughout his career, Robert Moog spent countless hours engineering and pioneering electronic instruments,...


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Access Storage? What is this, Communist Russia? 

People shouldn't just be able to access storage, man. What happens when you give everyone, and I'm talking the commonfolk of the world here, that kind of access to storage, huh? I'll tell you what - they're gonna store things, mannnnnn. I'm talking all sorts of things - boats, bikes, chairs, coffee makers, cremated pet remains, wooden shoes...everything. Do you know the kind of chaos that would break out if everyone, regardless of status or social position, could just access storage? The whole world would be stored. The whole world man. You, me, her, that, everything.



What do you mean I'm overreacting? Of course they'll store everything. Why wouldn't they?...


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