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Jewel Recycle, LLC

  BlueTone Media

Say Goodbye To The Family Jewels. 

Look, Dennis, I know - it took you a lot of time, money, and willpower to endure your dental transformation from mere toothy mortal into a shiny-teethed, slightly lispy, tinfoil chewing machine. But let's be honest for a second:

  1. Women don't like your robot mouth - it's creepy. Nobody wants to kiss an open tin can.
  2. You're making the whole "finding a job" thing really hard for yourself.
  3. You kind of look like a mix between a dementor and a trash compactor.

I don't like saying these things, you know. You're my brother and I'm here for you, but things would be a lot easier if you would just lie back, take another couple swigs of Everclear, and let go of my needle-nosed pliers. Seriously, hand them over.

What do you mean "why"? We've gone over this a million times: Jewel Recylce, LLC makes it insanely easy and worthwhile to exchange jewelry and precious metals for cash, and a good amount of cash at that. It won't quite be what you paid those dental surgeons to fasten your grillz in place, but it'll be enough to help us out here. Ugh, I wish you would at least spell it with an "s" or something.

Regardless, you don't have a say in the matter. You spent our rent for the last three months on what looks like a glued-on version of a Middle Ages era retainer, and now we're getting them off. There's nothing left in the budget for "dentists" or "anesthesia", and we need this money to avoid getting kicked out. Sorry bro, but you dug your own hole with this one.  I'm just glad there's a Jewelry Recycle, LLC near us - their having many convenient locations certainly helps.

Now come on, finish off that bottle and let's get this show on the road. If we're lucky, we'll have enough money left over to get you to the emergency room. If we're lucky.

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