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Triton's Choice Woodworking

  BlueTone Media

Hark! Lord Triton approacheth from the depths of the ocean. 

Hear ye, hear ye! I, the great Triton, son of Poseidon and Amphitrite, God and Goddess of the sea, have a declaration to make on this, the Lord's day of the 15th of May, in the year 2012. May all Those present take these declarations as Canon and cherish them accordingly 'til the grip of Thanatos draws you asunder to your deserved plane beyond this mortal coil.

It shall here and forever after be known that...can you quiet down a little bit? It shall here and forever after be know that..

Guys, come on, stop laughing. Please? Ugh, I know a little hard to get used to at first but really, not everyone can be bipedal and anthropomorphic you know. GUYS...shut up! What do you mean "seahorse"? That's just insulting - I'm a freaking icthyocentaur...though maybe you don't understand words that long. Let me put it more simply: I'm awesome, so bugger off. Do YOU have a moon named after you? Do YOU make epic announcements with golden conch shells? Do YOU control the might of the oceans with your magic powers? I didn't think so. So shut up. You know what? This first declaration is for you jerks, so remember that. It's official now, dummies.

Ahem. Anyway:

  1. Thou Shalt Not Laugh At My Weird Body Type
    • Seriously, you guys are ignorant. Just because I have fish parts, horse parts, and man parts, that doesn't make me any less of a regular dude than any of you. I like watching sports, eating Chinese food, and checking my Facebook. I'm a totally cool and fun guy to be around so if you don't like my scaly hooves and slime trails, YOUR LOSS. No more horse-man-fish rides for you. Eat that.
  2. Thou Shalt Select Triton's Choice For Your Woodworking Needs.
    • I mean come on, it's all in the name. Triton's Choice. Duh. That's ME. With that name I didn't really have a say in the matter anyway, so it's lucky for me that these guys are the real deal. Expertly-crafted woodworks such as these are no easy thing to come by, and the craftsmanship necessary to make pieces of this magnitude is almost unreal. Their works are handmade with pride, and will last for many of your mortal lifetimes.
Triton, The Horse Man Fish, Rides Again
See? I'm not that weird looking. Plus, I give great back massages.

I have more declarations to make but I'm feeling unappreciated here. I think I'll just go back underwater and, oh I don't know, maybe crush you all with a tidal wave. Because I'm Triton, remember? No biggie, just going to harken up some megadeath waves and smite your entire village or something. Booyah.

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